Thought the 3 Series was the bread and butter BMW? No longer. Buyers are flocking to the X1, X3 and X5 SUVs; the bigger X7’s just arrived and then there are coupe-esque versions of each. The X5 started BMW’s SUV revolution back in 2001, so we throw keys to the current range-topping M50d to our family of testers. Jules: Life’s not fair. Iain: I’m expecting a First World problem coming. Jules: Yep. I’ve found the perfect car to satisfy my love of performance, luxury and practical space for the kids. I ain: So let me guess, the unfair bit is the price? 150,000 BMW charges for its X5 M50d, the world would be a happier place. Who gets to buy these things? Iain: Not motoring journos, obviously. But plenty of others do. Jules: Hence why they clog up private school car parks. 113K and makes more sense than our range-topper.
Jules: It’s hugely imposing. I’m not sure about the rear styling but the front is excellent. I ain: I’m the other way around. Back end looks fat and tough but the front looks as if it’s been punched in the face. The grille, blue bits in the Laserlight headlights and giant 22-inch alloys ooze bling. Jules: Who knew I’d be such a sucker for coffee-coloured quilted Merino leather seats? Iain: It was inevitable. It’s good to not have boring black leather or easily marked white seats. It’s a lavishly impressive cabin, isn’t it? Jules: I know it’s expensive but the comfort, layout, dual 12.3-inch screens, massive panoramic sunroof, heated and cooled cup holders and pumping Harman Kardon audio make me want to live in here. 900. They don’t miss you. Jules: It’s just money, eh? If I’ve any complaint, the ambient lighting could be brighter, like in a Mercedes. Iain: Nope. Too bright and ambient lighting is vulgar.
It’s not a disco. Jules: There’s a crafted glass gear shifter and dial, of course it’s a disco. 1200 for these glitter balls by the way. Jules: I can’t believe it’s a diesel engine. I ain: BMW’s 3.0-litre six-cylinder diesel has for ages been a work of magic. They’ve strapped four — yes, four — turbos to this one. Jules: Four turbos to go wrong in future? Iain: Cynic. Outputs are 294kW/760Nm, meaning a 0-100km/h time of 5.2 seconds for this big brute. Jules: Effortless cruising and it’s so much fun when you open the taps and surge forward. Iain: It’s got all the expected clever tricks, such as head-up display on the windscreen, and stays between the lanes by itself. Its low-profile tyres on the 22-inch wheels may be grippy but boy do you feel the road bumps through them. Jules: I really wanted to take it shopping at Tiffanys but Woolies had to do.